Venus Lessons: Dating & Astrology
- EmmJai
- Jul 12
- 7 min read
Updated: Aug 9
So......I met a guy.
Normally it’s time to grab a glass of wine when a story starts like that; but before you get too excited - this isn’t that type of story.
As I was saying.... I met a guy online and we clicked pretty well. I was surprised that he wanted to talk almost every day and actually get to know me before meeting in person. For some context: I tried online dating about 8–9 years ago. While I met one decent guy, the second one was… a bit off, and it turned me off online dating for a while. But after a five-month hiatus from dating and men, I felt ready to dip my feet back in. A lot of my friends — men and women — were raving about online dating, so I signed up for a couple of sites and started.....sifting through the rubble. Now before you start online dating.... there are a few things to be aware of that I included here to save you some time.
What to Know About Online Dating
Not everybody is who they say they are — and not everyone’s intentions match yours.
People are sending out their best representative on these sites (as they should), so you need to read between the lines.
Verify basic info listed on their profile — age, kids, job, etc. If you find inconsistencies, consider the possibility that this person may be a liar.
FaceTime/Video Chat is your friend before meeting in person.
Some people will move fast - ask to meet late at night, want to drink, "chill", whatever — and that’s your business — but if you’re being intentional about the energy you entertain, remember: slow and steady wins the race.
Back to the story - I met this guy and given my previous experiences, I was pleasantly surprised that he wasn’t rushing. Even though we lived only 15 minutes apart, he was cool just talking on the phone. He was open-minded, asked thoughtful questions, non-judgmental, and genuinely seemed interested — not just trying to build false intimacy.
Things were looking up for your girl!
So we met up for our first date about 2-3 weeks after meeting. — which I had absolutely no hand in planning: I pulled out a nice dress, did my hair + makeup, slipped on some heels, and raced out the door… to be 15 minutes late. I did the polite thing and let him know, but my anxiety was still on 10,000 the entire drive because I really wanted to make a good impression - and being late is not a good start. I pulled up to the restaurant - as anxious as a hooker in church, parked, took 3 deep breaths and walked in to meet the guy I’d been telling all my business to for three weeks. He was so freekan NICE! No passive aggression about my tardiness, smiling from ear to ear the moment I walked in, and genuinely excited to meet me in person. The conversation flowed and my anxiety faded. He shared his food and even prayed over it — unprompted. He was a perfect gentleman, chivalrous, kind to the waitstaff, open and funny. We ended up spending the rest of the day together: talking, laughing, listening to music, and playing games — card games and board games, not mind games.
We’ve been on a few outings since then. I like spending time with him and I feel good in his presence. Is he perfect? Absolutely not. Is he my forever guy? Who knows? I haven’t even known him 90 days and I have no expectations. But you know what I do know? Astrology — so let’s get into it.
Venus in Your Astrology Chart: How You Love
You can find love anywhere in astrology, but the biggest signifier is Venus. Venus reflects how you give and receive romantic love. It rules Taurus and Libra but can be found anywhere in a person’s chart. (Drop a comment for a free copy of your natal chart)
In my chart, Venus is in the sign of Cancer. Cancer is all about home, family, and roots. As a Cancer Venus, I show and receive love by nurturing people — making them feel comfortable and safe. I genuinely enjoy loving on people and making their lives easier; it’s always been my natural state, even before I became aware of my Venus placement. Family, friends, lovers, coworkers, children, strangers, animals, babies — I’m a hugger, I’m a lover, quintessential Venus in Cancer. It’s not all peaches and cream though. I used to be very low-vibrational with this energy: practically living with every guy I dated, self-sacrificing for people unprovoked, giving so much of my time and energy that I ended up resentful because I didn’t get half that energy back — and with little to no consideration for my efforts.
I’m not saying people treated me badly on purpose. I take accountability for my role in my own suffering, and I have been intentional about correcting my behavior. I noticed that over time, I became hyper-independent and didn’t expect — or even allow — myself to be taken care of. I had to tuck that Cancer Venus in the back of my purse and only pull it out for people who make me feel safe. Using astrology for intense self reflection - and real, actual therapy helped me to improve the balance in relationships, bringing balance to my relationships.
*Interestingly, my Mars — Venus’s opposite — is in Aries, and if you know, you know!
What I Like About Him
So what do I like about this man? A few things stand out:
Authenticity: He’s kind and vulnerable, yet masculine — a mix many men haven’t mastered. Some swing between false bravado, moodiness, or toddler-esque silent treatments (don’t shoot the messenger).
Restraint: He isn’t overly lustful. Many men are starved for intimacy or validation and only know how to experience those things physically through sex.
Spiritual alignment: As a Christian, seeing someone naturally include God in their life hits differently.
Safety: I’m talking about emotional safety — the kind of safety that puts women in their "feminine energy"
Men often say women aren’t feminine anymore — we’re too independent, won’t let them open doors, argue too much, yada yada. Women counter: you don’t put me in a feminine space. And honestly? A large part of a woman being in that space is feeling safe enough to be there — and it wasn’t hard for him to accomplish.
Here’s what that looked like with him:
He showed genuine interest in me as a person, talking for weeks without pressuring me — no “come over” invites, no requests for nudes, no suggestive commentary.
He made a plan and executed it: “Meet me at this place, at this time, we’ll have brunch.” Simple but thoughtful.
He made sure I had what I needed: asked for napkins without me reminding him, made helpful suggestions on what to order, and made sure I was comfortable.
He ran an errand after brunch and asked if I wanted anything — I didn’t, but it’s nice to know it wouldn’t have been an awkward “who’s paying for this?” moment.
All of these things made me feel secure in his ability to lead independently. When I don't have to initiate the communication, dodge overly sexual questions/innuendo, plan the date, or wonder if someone is genuinely interested in me - that leaves space for me to focus on looking my best, being present, and bringing lighthearted energy into the connection. In the time since that first date, his actions have been consistent. When I approach him with an issue, he listens, asks questions, and we resolve it. Mind you — this isn’t even my man. We are not exclusively dating We don’t talk every day or see each other every week. This is just who he is as a person. It sounds simple — and it is — but it makes a big difference.
And before anyone says: “OMG if he’s so great why isn’t he your man?!” — this ain’t about that.
This is about being mindful of how someone makes you feel before you start planning a wedding in your head or devoting 75% of your free time to them. It’s called getting to know someone and remaining self aware — get into it.
What Your Venus Says About You
So here’s the takeaway: no matter where Venus sits in your chart, or what your past dating experiences have been like, you can change your approach to love when you start with self-awareness. For me, I've found dating and astrology can go hand in hand! Using my Venus placement to explore how I receive love and affection increased my self awareness in this area. Feeling safe, protected, and advocated for makes my Cancer Venus shine. I enjoy men who are natural protectors, leaders, and authentic.
Men who are natural protectors and leaders complement my Cancer Venus' natural nurturing and loving nature. I cannot nurture and lead at the same time. I cannot feel safe enough to genuinely open my heart to someone with kindness and consideration if I do not know that person has the ability to protect me.
But this looks different for everyone:
A Taurus Venus may crave being doted on, this will require someone who is generous with their attention and resources.
A Scorpio Venus may thrive on depth and intensity, this will require someone who has a high degree of emotional intelligence to avoid getting lost in the intensity of the connection.
And sometimes our patterns reflect trauma more than astrology — chasing people who won’t reciprocate.
Love and relationships are about connecting in healthy ways and sharing life with someone else. How we interpret and recieve from another person depends on a number of factors and a strong sense of self. I am not a psychic, love doctor or a therapist — but I can help you find Venus in your chart and explore the ways you give and receive love.
Click here to book learn about Venus in your chart!
Comments